2003-09-26 - 11:35 a.m.
Ya know, yesterday was just too serious. I need to lighten up a little.
I've occasionally seen ads for and caught glimpses of a show called "Performing As…". Basically, it's an amateur celebrity-impersonator show. I assume the winners end up in Vegas, and the runners-up go to Branson. The main point is to give people their 15 minutes.
Does anyone remember the lip-synch craze of the 1980s? Before karaoke took over, that is… There was this weird show called "Puttin' On the Hits". Some of the stuff was pretty inventive, like the guy doing "Rubber Biscuit" with a puppet. Some of it just sucked. Much the same as, I assume, "Performing As…".
Anyway, all the stuff tends to be pretty safe, mainstream stuff. Here's a list of sick, twisted shit that realistically wouldn't make it onto the program, but would really be fun to watch.
Performing As… The Residents: Bunch of guys in suits and giant eyeball heads. You figure it out.
Performing As… The Red Hot Chili Peppers: Tube socks, tube socks, tube socks!
Performing As… Los Straitjackets: Bunch of guys in Mexican wrestler's masks who play instrumental surf music and don't speak to the audience.
Performing As… John Cage: Guy in suit stands there for four minutes and thirty-three seconds.
Performing As… Axl Rose: Halfway through the song, guy dives off the stage to beat up some poor kid with a camera.
Performing As… Ted Nugent: Guy plays three chords then starts shooting the audience with flaming arrows while screaming "Kill 'em and grill 'em!"
Performing As… G.G. Allin: Guy craps on stage and throws it at the audience while screaming about Satan, crystal meth, and how much he loves his ass.
I have too much time on my hands…
